Christmas just wasn't Christmas......

Well, Christmas has officially come and gone this year. The sad part was that the only exciting thing about Christmas was watching it be over with. Christmas just felt like one big sham this year. I just felt like we were all gathered around opening presents just because it seemed like a good idea. It was like 50 degrees outside and nothing felt like it's suppose to. And then Joe called me on Christmas morning and I greeted him with, "Merry Christmas!" And he just said, "No, it's just Christmas." He was having a really rough day... being half a world away from all your family and friends on Christmas... there's very little else that is that depressing. I missed having him here to share all the memories with. But when it was all said and done, I was just glad that December flew by so fast.... one more month down.... 9 more to go.

2 steps forward, 6 steps back

I feel so overwhelmed right now.... but let me start from the beginning. Yesterday I was rushing around trying to get everything together so that we could go over to Joe's sister's house for Christmas with all of them. While I was trying to make my raspberry jello salad, I discovered that the hot water in the front bathroom wouldn't turn on. I thought that it was weird but paid no attention to it because the faucets everywhere else were working fine. So we went to Susanna's house and I got to talking to Joe's brother (Jay) about the faucet, and he said that it was probably frozen. He told me to go home, open up the cabinet door, and put a space heater in front of it. He said it should fix the problem. So the rest of the night I had a blast. I got to hang out with all Joe's family and really clear my head. It gave me a chance to interact with people over the age of 5. I felt like I had really overcome my Christmas blues. Then I went home, did everything Jay said, and went to bed. When I woke up this morning, I went to check that faucet, and I discovered that not only was the hot water side frozen, but so was the cold water side!! I proceeded to check all the faucets in the house only to discover that the ONLY faucet working was the cold water side in the kitchen!! I have NO hot water. Then I talked to Jay and he told me that pretty much all I can do is sit, wait, hope that it warms up enough to thaw my pipes, and also pray that they don't burst. I am about in tears. I went from being hopeful and optimistic one day to depressed and feeling completely helpless the very next day. And it's just all made worse because Joe's not here. I just feel that if Joe were here this wouldn't have happened. He would have known to leave the faucets running a little bit.... he would be here to help me deal with this. But no... I'm here all alone with no hot water. I miss Joe so bad. I have cried off and on all day. And to top it all off.... I was suppose to leave for my mom's today (because it's suppose to snow tomorrow) but unless my pipes unfreeze by this afternoon... I can't even leave yet!!! I don't know what to do. I feel completely helpless and right now... I just want to crawl in a hole and die.

Big 3 year old = big headaches

Well, Jillian turned three on Tuesday. I was really hoping that some magical transformation would happen once she reached that milestone.... it didn't. I can't figure that girl out for anything. She is defiant, bossy, destructive, down right hateful at times, and the only child I know that will whine and (literally) scream about EVERYTHING from the time she wakes up to the time she is FINALLY in bed. I have tried just talking to her, time-outs, spankings, taking her favorite toy away for a set period of time.... nothing works!! I just thank God that Tyler never gives me any problems. If they were BOTH that way, I'd commit myself! At first I just told myself that she's acting this way because Joe is gone and it's turned her world upside down. But the simple fact is.... she is old enough to know better. If she had just turned 2, I would say that she doesn't know how to express herself. But she has been acting like this for (honestly) about 5 months now. So Joe being gone can't be the cause of all this. Granted it has gotten WORSE since he's been gone, but I'm not about to just let her get away with it. She needs to understand that her behavior is unacceptable and she will receive consequences for it. And it's not just me.... even the babysitter is about to pull her hair out! I just don't know what to do.

My purse came in!!!!

About a month ago I attended an FRG (family readiness group) meeting and a lady there had a purse that had been made out of her brother's uniform... how cool!! She gave me the website where she ordered it so I went to check it out. It was only like $38 to have the purse made which is NOT bad! The best part is that it's made right from Joe's uniform so I can always feel like I'm carrying him a part of him with me. :) AND the purse wasn't suppose to be completed and shipped to me until late next week sometime and I got it in the mail TODAY!!! I about cried when I got it. :) All I had to do was put Joe's rank patch, U.S. Army patch, and the American Flag patch on it and it's good to go!!! I was so excited I had to take a picture of it to share with everyone. :) :) :)

Tyler and Jillian sang some songs at church on Sunday with the rest of the kids in their class. They were SOOO cute!! I'm only going to post the 2nd video (which is my favorite).

Making Christmas Cookies

Tyler wanted to make Christmas sugar cookies and we had a blast. Tyler was so very careful with the sprinkles but Jillian decided to POUR the sprinkles on - lol. The funny part is that when we pulled them out of the oven and started eating them, Tyler looked at me and said, "Mommy... I don't like them. I want chocolate chip ones!" What a bubba.

Our Christmas Tree

Well, I finally decided that whether we could really afford it or not, my kids needed a Christmas tree. So we went to Dollar General and got the cheapest artificial tree I have ever seen. But Tyler said that it looks beautiful, so I guess that's all that matters.

Being broke at Christmas sucks...........

I am so frustrated.... I was all prepared to take the kids to Wal-Mart to get a small artifical tree so they would at least have something. But I stopped the car in my driveway to call my ATM card to make sure that I had enough money. That was when I discovered that my phone had been shut off.... I forgot to pay my bill. It literally came down my phone or a Christmas tree. I hated to do it, but we don't have a home phone.... if I didn't turn my phone on we would have no way for Joe to get ahold of us and no way to dial out if we had an emergency or something. Eleven months out of the year I can scrape by and handle being broke.... but why right near Christmas? And Joe's paycheck on the 15th was suppose to be a lot bigger because his combat pay was suppose to kick in. Well, I checked the status of his upcoming check, and not only is he NOT getting his combat pay yet, but his check is going to be even LESS than it has been for the past several months.... as in about $300 less. I am so frustrated. And most of all, I just feel like a horribly inadequate mother for not even being able to get a Christmas tree for my children.

UG.......

It's amazing how one moment I am incredibly motivated, and then 20 minutes later I don't want to do anything. About 45 minutes ago I actually got the motivation to go pull the Christmas decorations out from the workshop. With Joe being gone, I have had absolutely NO desire to decorate. So I decided to take advantage of my sudden change of mood. I pulled out all the decorations but then when I got back in the house, I realized what a moot point decorating would be. My house is a wreck. And there is absolutely no point in decorating a messy house. But I CERTAINLY wasn't in the mood to clean my whole house and THEN decorate, so now the box of decorations is sitting in my dining room.... completely untouched. We'll see if I get around to it.... so much for getting into the holiday spirit.

Worry

I think my biggest flaw as a person, is that I worry 24/7 about EVERYTHING. I just wanted to post a blog of a bunch of different Bible verses that help me try to see through all that. Just a way for me to write it down in a sense and maybe get it through this thick head of mine.

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:7 (New Living Translation)
"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

Luke 12:25-26 (New Living Translation)
25 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? 26 And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?

Matthew 6:31-33 (New Living Translation)
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

1 Peter 5:7 (New Living Translation)
7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Deployments SUCK

I hate how secretive the military is!!! I understand why they do it, but I can't grasp the EXTENT to which they do it!!! I can understand why the soldiers can't tell anyone the exact time of their departure... that I get. But why on God's green earth can't they tell you that they have to leave to go PEE?!?! I was online talking to Joe and he said that he had to go because he had to pee and eat. I asked him when he would be online later and he said, "I can't tell you that. Honestly, I wasn't even suppose to tell you why I was getting offline." How stupid is that?! I'm am sorry, but I HIGHLY doubt that Al-Qaeda cares when and where Joseph King goes pee! It just makes it really hard to talk to him because he can't tell me about ANY part of his day!! And then before he flew out to Afghanistan, I told him that I would try my absolute hardest to not bitch to him as much about what I hate about the military and about what sucks in my life. So then, if he can't tell me about his life, and I'm not allowed to bitch about mine.... WHAT ARE WE TO TALK ABOUT?!?! We literally have conversations about the weather there, the weather here, Jillian's bowel movements, and not much else! I can understand not being able to talk about the big things like their missions and what their movements are, but why can't they at least talk about the little things?! Honestly, I do to a small degree like the fact that he's not able to tell me about the big things. Because I would be worried sick if I talked to Joe and he said, "Well, I have to go. We have to go deliver supplies and we'll be crossing over 4 enemy territories while we're at it." So that much I'm glad I don't know about. But I hate that I can't even know when he'll be back online to talk to me! For instance: Joe called me on my phone about 45 minutes ago and the connection was bad so he said he would call me back in just a little bit. That was 45 minutes ago!! It's not like I can call him! I tell you what..... deployments SUCK!!

Missing my sweetie....

Well, Joe's plane left at about 3 AM this morning. So I spent about an hour bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night. I try to hard to trust that he's going to be safe, but the truth is... no one really knows for sure. I know that a TON of people are praying for him, but what if it's God's will that he not come home? I'm sorry, but God's will or not, I just can't accept that. I can't imagine my life without him. He is the very core of this family and my house just feels empty and lonely without him here. Some days (like today) I just can't function. I've cried off and on all day and I can't seem to make myself focus on something else. I think the hardest part is knowing that I won't be able to call him. If I'm lonely and missing him terribly, I'll just have to sit and pray that he'll call me. I won't be able to send him text messages just telling him that I love him, I won't be able to talk to him as long as I want, I won't even be able to hear his voice for probably about a week. Okay... now I'm crying again. I never thought I could ever love him as much as I do. And now that abundance of love is just causing me an abundance of pain. I love him so much and I hate that he is half a world away. But all I can do is pray, and pray, and pray.