Surviving our first Deployment

Counting Down........

2009-06-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

Well, we're down to like 53-70 more days until Joe leaves to come home!! Granted, it's the military so they could decide to keep them a bit longer at the last second, but let's hope not! Two months.... I am SO excited! I don't care that he won't be home, home until September... as long as he's out of THERE!

I found my dress!!!

2009-05-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

I went to David's Bridal on Friday with my mom and my aunt and grandma who were in town from Colorado. We were just going to look at picking out a color for the wedding... no plans to even try on dresses. After we had picked a color, my mom suggested that I try on a few dresses just for fun. I started looking through the dresses and the first one I saw was VERY poofy! My mom rolled her eyes and told me to go ahead and try it on... her expectations weren't very high. As soon as I walked out of the fitting room, everyone's jaws literally dropped... it was PERFECT!!! It fits me like a GLOVE! I won't have to have ANY alterations done to it at ALL! So before deciding for SURE that this was the one, we tried on a few other dresses... just to be sure. Every single dress was, "Nope... the first one was it." So after swooshing around in the dress and literally glowing, I finally decided that yes, I needed to put the deposit down on the dress. I just wasn't going to find anything that even compared to that one. AND the dress was only $449! A TON of the other ones that we were looking at were $700-$800! I couldn't believe how cheap it was for how detailed and GORGEOUS it was! And THEN I talked to Joe today and told him that I was just waiting for my tax money to come in so that I could pay the rest of it and take the dress home. Unfortunately, I wasn't 100% certain that my taxes would come in before I had to leave on Wednesday. So he gave the go-ahead to use his money to pay for the dress and put the money back as soon as my taxes came in! WOOHOO!!! So I'm going in with my mom tomorrow to try the dress on one final time and then take it home! I am SO excited! :) :) And to top it ALL off.... I put my first wedding dress on Craigs List just to see if there's any chance it would sell at all. Quite frankly, I just wanted to get rid of it... I didn't really care how much it sold for. And I got an e-mail from a lady saying that she will pay me $500 for the dress!! All I have to do is mail it to her in Texas!!! So basically.... she paid for my wedding dress! It all worked out so perfect... I couldn't even believe it. :) :)

Saying Goodbye....... again

2009-05-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I had to take Joe to the airport today. Just thinking about it brings me to tears. He was so quiet the entire ride to the airport. I guess the reality of it all really hit him and he was really depressed. I am so worried about him. He encountered hostile fire just 2 weeks before he came home on leave and I'm so afraid that it's going to keep happening. Now that he's put a ring on my finger, I'm so worried that he'll never make it to the wedding. I know that I can't let myself think that way because it will just get me permanently depressed.... but it's still so hard. The kids took the goodbye a LOT better than I did.... I think it's because they don't understand that not only is he gone, but he's also not in a safe location. It's probably best that they don't know EVERYTHING. But since I obviously do, it just makes it so hard to let him go. When he woke up this morning and put on his uniform, I about cried right there. All I want in this life is for him to come home SAFE. Nothing else really matters at this point. So please keep him (and the kids and I too) in your prayers... we all really need it.

Enjoying my time........

2009-04-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

Well, Joe has been home for 7 WHOLE days now. It has been wonderful. So wonderful that it feels just like it used to be.... it almost makes my mind think that he's home for good. I was so worried that he'd come home a different person, but not really. He's never really been the romantic/affectionate type, but he seems to be a little bit more that way.... and I stress "little". ;) I'm just so thankful that God has blessed me with such an amazing man. :)

I am SO frustrated!!!

2009-04-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

I was at a meeting at work today when I got a call from Joe. So I slipped out of the meeting to take his call. I was talking to him when my boss came in and said, "Hey! I need to talk to him!" So I left the restroom so that she could talk to him about dates, etc. without me overhearing. Then she came out and handed the phone to me and Joe said, "That is CRAP!!!" Joe called my boss back in like February to ask off of work for me and I guess they have only okayed me to have ONE day off of work!!!! ONE day!!! Tell me, how much good does that do me?! I can understand that they might not be able to give me the full 15 days off, but I was expecting at LEAST half of it!!!! So I went and talked to Donna (my immediate boss who is ALSO a former military wife). She said that she understands how important it is and that she's doing all she can to get me more days. But it just kills me that they will okay people to take a week or so off of work for a CRUISE but when my boyfriend comes home from Afghanistan, they only want to give me a DAY! Joe said that he's going to call and talk to the head boss and speak his mind. What frustrates me is that if Joe and I were MARRIED, they would be required by LAW to give me that time off!! So I think Joe is finally realizing that I was right in saying that being married while he's deployed would DEFINATELY have its benefits. So yes.... I am just extremely frustrated right now. Please keep this situation in your prayers..... that's about all that's going to work at this point.

Counting Down.....

2009-04-06T16:07:00.000-07:00

Well, Joe should be home sometime in the next 10-14 days! He still won't tell me exactly, and even so, if he were to get held over in Kuwait for a day or two, that would delay his return date. But I am SO excited!!! Ten to fourteen DAYS is a number that I can deal with! His fifteen days at home will definately fly by way too fast, but it will be SO good to have him home! At least my gutters will finally get cleaned out and the garage door will get fixed. ;)

Nevermind....

2009-03-27T18:13:00.000-07:00

Well, pretty much ignore the last post. I received a VERY harsh e-mail from Joe (although 100% honest) basically stating that he doesn't want to even consider marriage. He also said that he's afraid of us splitting up, but only because Jillian is attached to me. I refuse to stay in a relationship that's only being maintained because we have a house together and because our kids are attached. I deserve better than that. So I don't know. I sent him an e-mail pretty much laying the facts out and letting him know that if he's only in this for the kids, then I will start paperwork to split up the house tomorrow. I can't take this right now. I've cried for about 2 hours already. Hopefully he didn't mean it how it came out, but I don't know how it could be taken any other way. I want someone to love me for ME... not just for my child rearing abilities.

I need help with colors!!!

2009-03-27T11:22:00.001-07:00

Okay, I need your help. Joe and I were talking about things we would want at our wedding (when & IF) it ever happens, and I got a little stumped on colors. Joe wants him and all his guys to wear their dress blues (aka: navy blue) and I'm trying to figure out what colors would look good with that. The first thought is obviously red, but red was the primary color in my first wedding and I do NOT want that! Then I was talking to Joe's sister-in-law and she suggested champagne with red roses (champagne is like a really muted gold - think of the color on some of those Honda and Toyotas). I like that, but it's almost like just having blue and tan... pretty, but kinda boring. Joe's sister-in-law (the one I was consulting) did bright yellow with their dress blues, but I kinda got the feeling that she doesn't want me doing the same color scheme that they did. So do you guys have any other suggestions?

Surprises

2009-03-22T20:21:00.001-07:00

Well, as most of you know, Joe has his 2 weeks of leave set, but he's not telling me!!! It's just not fair! All he is telling me is that it's in April, he won't be home for Easter, and that's about it. He even went to the extent to call my BOSS to ask off of work for me!! On one hand, it's all very sweet and romantic..... on the other hand, it's a royal pain in the butt! I just told him that since I have absolutely no idea when he'll be home, if he walks in the door and the house is a wreck, and I haven't showered, he will only have himself to blame. :) He agreed and said that was fair... I guess it will have to be! I even tried to pry the information out of his sister... it didn't work. Pretty much everyone in his family knows (and he has a VERY big family). Some of my friends have said that maybe he has something "big" up his sleeve..... I wish. I would pass out on the floor if he walked through my door and dropped to one knee. The thing is, I know that won't happen. Joe is FAR (and I mean F-A-R) from ready to make it legal. I guess I'll just have to be patient and do my best not to get my hopes set on some big, romantic hoop-la. He'll come home when I least expect it, and he may not propose, but he'll be out of harm's way for almost 3 weeks (once you consider all the travel time) and that's definately something I can live with. :)

Muesli

2009-03-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

I found this recipe and it is SOOOOOO good!!! It's extremely simple to put together and also fairly low on calories.

Muesli - makes 2 servings - 285 calories per serving

1 cup rolled oats (same thing as "old fashioned oats" in the cereal aisle)
1 tbsp chopped dates
1 tbsp chopped almonds
4 tbsp plain yogurt (I used vanilla yogurt and added more like 5 tbsp)
4 tbsp fresh (I used frozen) berries (I used blueberries and raspberries, but you can use whatever sounds good)

Combine all ingredients and then pour low-fat milk over it (probably only about 1/8 to 1/4 cup)

ENJOY!!! :)

More Deaths

2009-02-28T16:55:00.000-08:00

Well, there have been a total of 6 Illinois National Guard deaths in just the past 3 weeks. That's 2 per week.... not statistics that I'm comfortable with. And the 4 that were killed just a few days ago died in the very same location that Joe is at. I am so worried. I pray at least twice a day for his safety, but the fact remains that not even prayer can guarantee his safety over there. I try so hard not to focus on the negative, but how can you not when you're getting an e-mail every couple of weeks telling you about another injury or death that we've had! And then our FRG leader had the nerve to say in the e-mail, "We just need to focus on the fact that our soldiers will be home soon." In what twisted sense of reality is 7 months "soon"?! I am so tired of being worried sick every second of every day and not being able to do a thing about it. I just want him home.

Tyler read me a book!!

2009-02-25T16:17:00.000-08:00

Tyler picked out Hop on Pop by Dr. Suess this afternoon and read it to me!! The video file is too big to upload on here, but if you go to http://www.vimeo.com/3367798 you can view the video. :)

Tyler's Awesome Math Skills........

2009-02-20T08:53:00.000-08:00

For quite awhile now Tyler has been able to add numbers. We'll be driving down the road and he'll be in the back seat saying, "Two plus two is four.... three plus one is four...." etc., etc. So a few days ago, out of curiousity, I wrote down 2+2 on a piece of paper and showed him how you line the columns up and add it. So then I gave him double and triple digit equations and he added them without ANY hesitation!! So today I took a video of him adding and I thought I would share it with you. :)

Lonely

2009-02-16T14:35:00.000-08:00

Well, my mom & brothers just left. They came up Saturday morning and were able to stay until 4:00 pm today. It was so good to have the company. But now that they're gone, I realize how horribly lonely my reality is. The most contact I have with people over the age of 5 is through the internet & phone calls.... how sad is that? My life sucks.... I guess that's the moral of my story.

Roses from Afghanistan

2009-02-13T15:33:00.000-08:00

Joe sent me roses today!!! I don't know how he managed to order them without me noticing the charge on his account, but he did somehow! I was SO surprised! And then when I read the note, I couldn't stop crying. The note read, "With Love from Afghanistan. I miss you and the kids. Love, Joe." Yup.... I think I found a keeper. ;)

Crazy Tuesday.....

2009-02-12T15:45:00.001-08:00

Well, this past Tuesday was quite interesting. I was on my afternoon route and I almost hit a kid with my bus! I was driving down this main road, and right as the car coming from the other direction passed me, I saw 3 kids on scooters. Two of them saw me and stopped... the other one ran right out in front of me! I honked my horn, slammed on my brakes, and swerved. I felt something hit my bus and then I couldn't see the kid anymore. I really & truely thought I had ran him over! I was freaking out! Then the monitor that was on my bus saw him get up, grab his scooter, and walk out of the road. The stupid kid then proceeded to give ME a dirty look!! I am SO glad that I had a mouthy monitor on my bus that day! She got off the bus and went over and CHEWED that kid out!! My monitor called my boss to report the incident and he was asking if I needed to have someone take over my route... I thought I was fine. I drove a couple of blocks and had to pull over. My face and hands were numb, I was shaking, I had trouble breathing.... I think I was basically going through shock. So my monitor called my boss back and had another driver take over my route. It scared the living daylights out of me!! Then yesterday my boss pulled me into his office. He told me that my monitor had said that the kid had landed right beside my driver's side wheel. My boss told me that had I simply slammed on my brakes and not swerved, that kid would have been UNDER my wheel... not beside it. The crazy thing is that it all happened so fast that I don't even remember swerving! God was really looking out for both of us that day!

Plumber problems...

2009-02-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

I am SO aggrivated! I was having problems with the faucet in our front bathroom... neither the hot nor the cold side were working. I sent Joe's brother a text message asking him who he would recommend and he gave me a phone number, he said, "Call this guy and let him know that you know me and that Joe is deployed... he is a GREAT guy!" So the plumber stopped by this morning to look at the faucet. Dumb me.... it was just a clogged filter. He unscrewed it, tapped it on the counter to clean it, and screwed it back on. THEN he saw my leaky tub faucet. This thing has had a slight drip ever since we bought the house, but it's not a big deal and it doesn't even effect our water bill. Joe and I really had NO intention to mess with it until he got home. But he looked at it and said, "Well, while I'm here...." and just started messing with it!! Two hours, a hole in our wall (for an access panel), and a whole new faucet later, he hands me a $509 bill!!!! HOLY COW!!!! He didn't give me an estimate, NOTHING to prepare me for $509!! Had I known that it was going to cost over $200, I would have told him not to even mess with it! I am SOOO frustrated! And then I was stuck because since Joe's brother had recommended him, I didn't want to show my frustration, so I just paid him. Then I called Jay, Joe's brother. He was FURIOUS! He said that there is NO way that it should have cost THAT much money!!! He appologized several times for recommending him and he even said that he would have fixed it himself if he had known it would be that much. I just told Jay, "Hell... I wouldn't have even had HIM fix it if I knew it was going to be that much!!" So then Joe called and about had a heart attack when I told him about it. So Joe called Jay and now Jay is in the process of talking to the guy to try to get things worked out. I just hope that he's able to return the check that I wrote and lower the price. It's just rediculous! My parents had the EXACT same work done last year (access panel cut out and ALL) and their bill was only $210 plus the cost of the faucet. I told Jay that and said that it shouldn't have cost us THAT much of a difference! So now I'm just praying that Jay will be able to knock some sense into him. Stupid plumber.

Sugar Cookies

2009-01-31T16:23:00.000-08:00

Joe's grandma died a few months back, and at her funeral, they distributed copies of her famous sugar cookie recipe. So for Joe & his brother, Ken's, Valentine's packages, I made up a batch and sent part of them off to them. So I don't know what they will taste like 7-9 days from now, but they better like them! And then after I mailed a dozen to each of them, I still had a TON of dough left! I was going to just freeze the dough, but I thought I'd go ahead and make them up and take them to Joe's sister's Super Bowl party tomorrow. Then I was looking through the box of 101 cookie cutters that Joe got me for my birthday, and I found helmet & football cookie cutters!! How perfect!! So I thought I'd take a picture of them and see what you think. The funny part is that the laces on the footballs are pink... I had bought supplies to do Valentine's cookies so we ended up with pink laces! lol

Baby Tag

2009-01-26T07:41:00.000-08:00

1- Where were you when you first found out you were pregnant? In the bathroom at my parent's house
2- Who was with you? no one
3- How did you find out that you were pregnant? A Home pregnancy test.
4- What was your first reaction to finding out you were pregnant? scared to death
5- Your Husbands reaction? no husband... but he was shocked
6- Who was the first person you told? Nikki
7-Did you plan to get pregnant? absolutely not
8-Was everybody happy for you? eh..... eventually
9- Did you go out and celebrate? wasn't exactly a moment to "celebrate"
10- Did you want to find out the sex? absolutely
11- What was the sex? beautiful baby boy
12-Did anyone throw you a baby shower? Yes.
13- If yes, who? My friend, Nikki.
14- Did you get any outfits at the baby shower that you just knew you weren't going to put on your baby? lol - yes
15- How much weight did you gain? 36 pounds
16- Did you loose all of the weight that you gained? all but about 3-5 pounds
17- Did you get a lot of stretch marks? nope :D
18- What did you crave the most? CELERY!!!
19- Did you crave anything crazy? nope
20- Who or what got on your nerves the most? nobody.... I had an amazing pregnancy. No crazy hormones or anything
21- Were you married at the time? nope
22- Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? not during pregnancy. During labor the nurse forgot to turn Tyler (he was facing the wrong way) and they almost had to do a C-section
23- Where were you when you went into labor? at my mom's.... I didn't think I was really in labor. My mom had to talk me into going into the hospital.
26- Did you go early or late? yup.... 17 days early
27- Who was in the room with you when you gave birth? my mom, Nikki, Steven, the doctor, and a few nurses
28- Was it video taped? NO WAY!
29- Did you have any drugs for the pain? You bet!!! Epidurals are AMAZING!
30-Did you go Natural or have a c-section? Natural
31- What was your first reaction after giving birth? lol - Tyler's head was alien shaped due to the vacuum extraction they had to use and I looked at Steven and said, "Please tell me that's not my baby." He was UGLY!!! His head went back to normal within an hour though. :)
32- How big was the baby(s)? 7 pounds 4 oz.... I think
33- Did your Husband cry? no
34- What did you name the baby(s)? Tyler Christopher Rule
35-Did the name have any significance to you? absolutely. Christopher is my cousin's (and also one of my best friends) name
36-Does the baby's name fit? oh yes
37- Did the baby(s) have any complications? nope.... perfectly healthy :)
38- How old is your baby today? no longer a baby.... 5 years and almost 2 months
39- When is the next one coming? feels like never
40- If you could would you do it all over again? absolutely.... I LOVE being pregnant!

Never thought I'd say this, but I HATE 5 day weekends in winter!!

2009-01-18T12:47:00.000-08:00

Well, we were suppose to have a 3 day weekend (Monday being Martin Luther King Day) but then with the nasty wind chill, they canceled school Thursday and Friday. I have to tell you... I have never been so bored in my life!! Thursday Tyler and Jillian were sick, Friday Jillian was sick, and yesterday I was sick. I just want to go back to work! If it were the middle of summer, at least we could get out and do stuff! But no, it's the middle of January, it's FREEZING outside, so I'm suck inside with a 3 & 5 year old with NOTHING to do for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!!! Tomorrow is Monday.... my last day off. I honestly wish I could go back to work! I am so bored. I have cleaned, re-arranged, taken multiple showers just for something to do, read books, watched TV, baked..... I am bored stiff!!! I wish my family or friends lived closer. A 5 day weekend back in Missouri or up in Wyoming wouldn't be so bad... I have people I know that I could go do stuff with. But no.... I'm stuck here about to pull my hair out just wishing Joe were here to share my boredom with.

Revision to Almond Bark Pretzels.....

2009-01-13T08:32:00.000-08:00

In the recipe I gave, I said to follow the melting directions on the back of the package..... don't. Unless you want to be staring at your microwave forever. Unless you have an ultra-powerful microwave, microwave the almond bark for about 3 minutes. Keep an eye on it though to make sure that it doesn't scald, but that should be about the right length of time. And the final product should look like the photo below.... enjoy! :)

Almond Bark pretzels

2009-01-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

My mom makes these EVERY year for Christmas but I got so addicted to them that I now find myself making more and more batches of them way beyond Christmas. The greatest part is that they are SOOOO easy to make!!! So I thought I would share the recipe with you and laugh as you get addicted to them too. ;)

Ingredients: 1 package of vanilla flavored almond bark (photo below) & one 16 oz. bag of stick pretzels

melt almond bark according to directions on back of package (be careful not to over cook it)
stir in entire bag of pretzels making sure to get them all evenly coated
drop by large spoonfuls onto wax paper (do this fairly quickly because the almond bark
sets up fairly quickly)
they will be set up and ready to eat in about 15-20 minutes or so..... ENJOY!!! :)

Finally some good to report.........

2009-01-05T15:31:00.001-08:00

Well, Tyler has officially started to read and write! He can sound out and spell almost any fairly simple word I give him and he can read most 4-5 letter words without much trouble. And what makes it even cooler is that they don't actually start teaching them that until around the beginning of first grade! Which means that Tyler is about a year to a year and a half ahead of where most children his age are!! My kiddo is going to blow those teachers away when he goes in for his Kindergarten screening!!! :) :)

And then when I came home from visting my parents, my babysitters had a HUGE surprise for me...... they CLEANED my house!!! And I mean C L E A N E D!!! They scrubbed toilets, washed dishes, did my laundry, the whole 10 yards! They even went so far as to organize and sort through the kid's rooms to see what clothes they've outgrown and then they sorted out their toys and even put all our clothes away all nice and folded in our drawers!! I was amazed. They said that it took them almost 5 days to do it all. Yup, my house really was THAT messy! It was just so nice to come home to that. And now that it's all done, it'll be SOOOO much easier to keep it that way!! Wow.... what a blessing!

Christmas just wasn't Christmas......

2008-12-28T06:43:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas has officially come and gone this year. The sad part was that the only exciting thing about Christmas was watching it be over with. Christmas just felt like one big sham this year. I just felt like we were all gathered around opening presents just because it seemed like a good idea. It was like 50 degrees outside and nothing felt like it's suppose to. And then Joe called me on Christmas morning and I greeted him with, "Merry Christmas!" And he just said, "No, it's just Christmas." He was having a really rough day... being half a world away from all your family and friends on Christmas... there's very little else that is that depressing. I missed having him here to share all the memories with. But when it was all said and done, I was just glad that December flew by so fast.... one more month down.... 9 more to go.

2 steps forward, 6 steps back

2008-12-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

I feel so overwhelmed right now.... but let me start from the beginning. Yesterday I was rushing around trying to get everything together so that we could go over to Joe's sister's house for Christmas with all of them. While I was trying to make my raspberry jello salad, I discovered that the hot water in the front bathroom wouldn't turn on. I thought that it was weird but paid no attention to it because the faucets everywhere else were working fine. So we went to Susanna's house and I got to talking to Joe's brother (Jay) about the faucet, and he said that it was probably frozen. He told me to go home, open up the cabinet door, and put a space heater in front of it. He said it should fix the problem. So the rest of the night I had a blast. I got to hang out with all Joe's family and really clear my head. It gave me a chance to interact with people over the age of 5. I felt like I had really overcome my Christmas blues. Then I went home, did everything Jay said, and went to bed. When I woke up this morning, I went to check that faucet, and I discovered that not only was the hot water side frozen, but so was the cold water side!! I proceeded to check all the faucets in the house only to discover that the ONLY faucet working was the cold water side in the kitchen!! I have NO hot water. Then I talked to Jay and he told me that pretty much all I can do is sit, wait, hope that it warms up enough to thaw my pipes, and also pray that they don't burst. I am about in tears. I went from being hopeful and optimistic one day to depressed and feeling completely helpless the very next day. And it's just all made worse because Joe's not here. I just feel that if Joe were here this wouldn't have happened. He would have known to leave the faucets running a little bit.... he would be here to help me deal with this. But no... I'm here all alone with no hot water. I miss Joe so bad. I have cried off and on all day. And to top it all off.... I was suppose to leave for my mom's today (because it's suppose to snow tomorrow) but unless my pipes unfreeze by this afternoon... I can't even leave yet!!! I don't know what to do. I feel completely helpless and right now... I just want to crawl in a hole and die.

Big 3 year old = big headaches

2008-12-18T19:21:00.000-08:00

Well, Jillian turned three on Tuesday. I was really hoping that some magical transformation would happen once she reached that milestone.... it didn't. I can't figure that girl out for anything. She is defiant, bossy, destructive, down right hateful at times, and the only child I know that will whine and (literally) scream about EVERYTHING from the time she wakes up to the time she is FINALLY in bed. I have tried just talking to her, time-outs, spankings, taking her favorite toy away for a set period of time.... nothing works!! I just thank God that Tyler never gives me any problems. If they were BOTH that way, I'd commit myself! At first I just told myself that she's acting this way because Joe is gone and it's turned her world upside down. But the simple fact is.... she is old enough to know better. If she had just turned 2, I would say that she doesn't know how to express herself. But she has been acting like this for (honestly) about 5 months now. So Joe being gone can't be the cause of all this. Granted it has gotten WORSE since he's been gone, but I'm not about to just let her get away with it. She needs to understand that her behavior is unacceptable and she will receive consequences for it. And it's not just me.... even the babysitter is about to pull her hair out! I just don't know what to do.

My purse came in!!!!

2008-12-16T14:43:00.001-08:00

About a month ago I attended an FRG (family readiness group) meeting and a lady there had a purse that had been made out of her brother's uniform... how cool!! She gave me the website where she ordered it so I went to check it out. It was only like $38 to have the purse made which is NOT bad! The best part is that it's made right from Joe's uniform so I can always feel like I'm carrying him a part of him with me. :) AND the purse wasn't suppose to be completed and shipped to me until late next week sometime and I got it in the mail TODAY!!! I about cried when I got it. :) All I had to do was put Joe's rank patch, U.S. Army patch, and the American Flag patch on it and it's good to go!!! I was so excited I had to take a picture of it to share with everyone. :) :) :)

2008-12-15T10:26:00.000-08:00

Tyler and Jillian sang some songs at church on Sunday with the rest of the kids in their class. They were SOOO cute!! I'm only going to post the 2nd video (which is my favorite).

Making Christmas Cookies

2008-12-13T19:17:00.000-08:00

Tyler wanted to make Christmas sugar cookies and we had a blast. Tyler was so very careful with the sprinkles but Jillian decided to POUR the sprinkles on - lol. The funny part is that when we pulled them out of the oven and started eating them, Tyler looked at me and said, "Mommy... I don't like them. I want chocolate chip ones!" What a bubba.

Our Christmas Tree

2008-12-10T17:30:00.001-08:00

Well, I finally decided that whether we could really afford it or not, my kids needed a Christmas tree. So we went to Dollar General and got the cheapest artificial tree I have ever seen. But Tyler said that it looks beautiful, so I guess that's all that matters.

Being broke at Christmas sucks...........

2008-12-10T14:29:00.000-08:00

I am so frustrated.... I was all prepared to take the kids to Wal-Mart to get a small artifical tree so they would at least have something. But I stopped the car in my driveway to call my ATM card to make sure that I had enough money. That was when I discovered that my phone had been shut off.... I forgot to pay my bill. It literally came down my phone or a Christmas tree. I hated to do it, but we don't have a home phone.... if I didn't turn my phone on we would have no way for Joe to get ahold of us and no way to dial out if we had an emergency or something. Eleven months out of the year I can scrape by and handle being broke.... but why right near Christmas? And Joe's paycheck on the 15th was suppose to be a lot bigger because his combat pay was suppose to kick in. Well, I checked the status of his upcoming check, and not only is he NOT getting his combat pay yet, but his check is going to be even LESS than it has been for the past several months.... as in about $300 less. I am so frustrated. And most of all, I just feel like a horribly inadequate mother for not even being able to get a Christmas tree for my children.

UG.......

2008-12-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how one moment I am incredibly motivated, and then 20 minutes later I don't want to do anything. About 45 minutes ago I actually got the motivation to go pull the Christmas decorations out from the workshop. With Joe being gone, I have had absolutely NO desire to decorate. So I decided to take advantage of my sudden change of mood. I pulled out all the decorations but then when I got back in the house, I realized what a moot point decorating would be. My house is a wreck. And there is absolutely no point in decorating a messy house. But I CERTAINLY wasn't in the mood to clean my whole house and THEN decorate, so now the box of decorations is sitting in my dining room.... completely untouched. We'll see if I get around to it.... so much for getting into the holiday spirit.

Worry

2008-12-07T18:17:00.001-08:00

I think my biggest flaw as a person, is that I worry 24/7 about EVERYTHING. I just wanted to post a blog of a bunch of different Bible verses that help me try to see through all that. Just a way for me to write it down in a sense and maybe get it through this thick head of mine.

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:7 (New Living Translation)
"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

Luke 12:25-26 (New Living Translation)
25 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? 26 And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?

Matthew 6:31-33 (New Living Translation)
31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

1 Peter 5:7 (New Living Translation)
7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Deployments SUCK

2008-12-07T05:38:00.000-08:00

I hate how secretive the military is!!! I understand why they do it, but I can't grasp the EXTENT to which they do it!!! I can understand why the soldiers can't tell anyone the exact time of their departure... that I get. But why on God's green earth can't they tell you that they have to leave to go PEE?!?! I was online talking to Joe and he said that he had to go because he had to pee and eat. I asked him when he would be online later and he said, "I can't tell you that. Honestly, I wasn't even suppose to tell you why I was getting offline." How stupid is that?! I'm am sorry, but I HIGHLY doubt that Al-Qaeda cares when and where Joseph King goes pee! It just makes it really hard to talk to him because he can't tell me about ANY part of his day!! And then before he flew out to Afghanistan, I told him that I would try my absolute hardest to not bitch to him as much about what I hate about the military and about what sucks in my life. So then, if he can't tell me about his life, and I'm not allowed to bitch about mine.... WHAT ARE WE TO TALK ABOUT?!?! We literally have conversations about the weather there, the weather here, Jillian's bowel movements, and not much else! I can understand not being able to talk about the big things like their missions and what their movements are, but why can't they at least talk about the little things?! Honestly, I do to a small degree like the fact that he's not able to tell me about the big things. Because I would be worried sick if I talked to Joe and he said, "Well, I have to go. We have to go deliver supplies and we'll be crossing over 4 enemy territories while we're at it." So that much I'm glad I don't know about. But I hate that I can't even know when he'll be back online to talk to me! For instance: Joe called me on my phone about 45 minutes ago and the connection was bad so he said he would call me back in just a little bit. That was 45 minutes ago!! It's not like I can call him! I tell you what..... deployments SUCK!!

Missing my sweetie....

2008-12-02T15:40:00.000-08:00

Well, Joe's plane left at about 3 AM this morning. So I spent about an hour bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night. I try to hard to trust that he's going to be safe, but the truth is... no one really knows for sure. I know that a TON of people are praying for him, but what if it's God's will that he not come home? I'm sorry, but God's will or not, I just can't accept that. I can't imagine my life without him. He is the very core of this family and my house just feels empty and lonely without him here. Some days (like today) I just can't function. I've cried off and on all day and I can't seem to make myself focus on something else. I think the hardest part is knowing that I won't be able to call him. If I'm lonely and missing him terribly, I'll just have to sit and pray that he'll call me. I won't be able to send him text messages just telling him that I love him, I won't be able to talk to him as long as I want, I won't even be able to hear his voice for probably about a week. Okay... now I'm crying again. I never thought I could ever love him as much as I do. And now that abundance of love is just causing me an abundance of pain. I love him so much and I hate that he is half a world away. But all I can do is pray, and pray, and pray.

JOE'S COMING HOME EARLY!!!!!

2008-11-24T17:45:00.001-08:00

I am SOOOOO excited!!! Joe was due to fly in tomorrow morning at 10 AM but we found out last night that they were going to be released today at noon... which only left me frustrated that his flight was leaving SOOOO much later than they were being released. But I prayed and told God that I was still going to be thankful. So I prayed until I fell asleep just telling God that I am thankful for all he has provided us and that I was thankful that I would at least get to see him on Tuesday. Then I got a call from Joe today at about 9:00 AM saying that his brother is going to front him the money so that he can change his plane ticket and fly in TONIGHT!!! AMEN!!! God is SOOOO good!! I will get about 12 more hours with him now!! So instead of having just a half day with him on Tuesday, I get the WHOLE DAY!!!!!!!!! I have been pretty much on cloud 9 all day and doing everything I possibly can to try to waste time until I can leave at 9:00 to go get him. :) I tell you what though... it's going to be weird sharing the bed again - lol. But DEFINATELY a good kind of weird. :)

My prayer for our soldiers...

2008-11-22T19:34:00.000-08:00

As the first of December gets closer I find myself becoming more and more worried with each passing day. I will admit that the "what if" of losing Joe has definately crossed my mind a few times. The Illinois National Guard alone has already lost 3 soldiers in the last 6 months... that's not a number that I'm very happy with. I've definately cried myself to sleep a few times over this, but I try to remind myself that worrying won't do Joe or I any good. So every day I say a prayer for our soldiers.....

Lord, give them the strength to do what needs to be done. Give them the wisdom to know what to do in tough situations. Give them the energy & mental awareness that they need even though they've been going for three days straight. Grant them peace even though they are half a world away from all their loved ones. Help keep their minds clear so that they can get the job done and come home safely. And most of all, let them know how much we love them and can't wait for fall 2009 when we can welcome them ALL home. **Amen**

14 months

2008-11-17T15:31:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how little insignificant milestones suddenly become an occasion for tears. Today is 14 months for Joe and I.... nothing major... not even a year and a half, but it just made me realize that he's not even here. We wouldn't even do anything special if he were here, but I would at least get a kiss. I miss his kisses. :'( It's really funny how you even start to miss the things that you hated. I would do anything to have him home. I'm so worried about him going over to Afghanistan. They have already lost 3 Illinois National Guard soldiers over there. Tyler and I pray for him every single night but I can't help but worry.

And THEN there's the issue of keeping on top of my house! UG!! I'm sorry, but I work basically 6:30-4:30 Monday through Friday and when I get home, the VERY last thing I want to do is clean! In my mind, there is one of two options... clean, or spend time with my kids. And I've tried so hard to motivate myself to get stuff done on the weekends, but then I feel that the weekends are my time to be lazy. I mean, I feel like I moved a mountain if I am able to do my dishes 2-3 times a week!! Let alone keep the ENTIRE house picked up and orderly! What do I want for Christmas? A maid... for FREE!!!!! But I don't even know if I could get a maid... she'd walk in the door, look around, and say, "I QUIT!!!" I just wish my mom lived closer, she would be over in 10 minutes to help. I guess I just hate not having friends or family here.

But anyway.... I'm done complaining. I guess I better get off of here and maybe try to make a trail through the jungle I call my bedroom.

camera & FRG meeting

2008-11-15T18:51:00.001-08:00

Good news! Joe's sister found my camera!! I was SOOO relieved!! With Joe coming home for a visit the end of the month, I did NOT want to be without a camera! Especially since we'll be doing a shortened version of all birthdays and Christmas while he's home.

And I went to a FRG (family readiness group) meeting today and that went really well. We helped stuff stockings with goodies to send over to the soldiers for Christmas and then we also got to watch a DVD that they put together for the Soldiers and it has some pics of the families and the troops, and at the end, they had the music video to 3 Doors Down "Citizen Soldiers". I added the song to my blog page, but I HIGHLY recommend going on YouTube to see the actual video! I BAWLED my eyes out when we watched it. 3 Doors Down actually made the song SPECIFICALLY for the National Guard... which is really interesting. It's probably one of my favorite songs now. That and "Come Home Soon" by SheDaisy... which is also one of the songs in that MP3 player thingie. It will give you something to do for a little bit anyway. ;)

I think that's about it for today. Take care!

Updates

2008-11-11T16:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I went to the Halloween party this past weekend and had a BLAST!!! The girl I thought I would be borrowing my costume from decided not to answer my calls, so I ended up with no costume 24 hours before the party! But Joe's sisters took care of me. ;) They dressed me up as an 80s girl. They said I looked like the girl from Flash Dance if that means anything to you. I have NEVER seen my hair that big!! They put my hair in hot rollers, put a TON of hairspray in it and teased it until it was HUGE! Then my outfit was a pair of shiny purple pointy toe high heels, purple tights, black leg warmers, a jean mini-skirt, a purple tank top, a sweat shirt with the collar cut out so that it hung off my shoulder, and then a TON of jelly bracelets!! I looked like I stepped right out of an 80s movie! Unfortunately, I can't find my camera at the moment so I will post more pics when I can. Until then, here's a pic that one of the girls at the party took of all the girls... it will give you a general idea of my outfit. ;) Joe's sister, Jolena, is the one in the blue, and his sister Sarah is the one in green. So in the mean time... pray that Joe's sister finds my camera!

Photo Tag

2008-11-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

So Lee did this first, and I'm still trying to figure out the ins and outs of this, so I guess you're suppose to open the 6th folder in your pics and upload the 6th picture in that folder and then tag 6 people. I only have 2 people on here and Lee already tagged me, so I guess Shannon's it!! :)

I just think it's funny that my 6th picture in the 6th album happened to be a picture of the 3 of us. :)

Election Day

2008-11-04T16:37:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been ordered (by Joe) to check on CNN.com every 20 minutes or so to check the election updates. I voted on the 29th to avoid Election Day mayhem and Joe sent in his absentee ballot a week ago. We both voted for McCain but I'm certain that Obama will win. No matter how much us Republicans want McCain in office, he won't get it. I've been predicting Obama even before he won the nomination over Hillary. So like it or not, I'll keep watching the polls. Plus Joe keeps text messaging me every half hour or so to find out what the latest results are.

But anyway... I start on the bus with the kids tomorrow! I will start out as an attendant and then while I'm doing that in the morning and afternoon, I'll train for a bus driver from 9-12. So my days are going to be CRAZY for awhile. I feel kinda bad for the kids because they'll be at the babysitter from like 6-12 and then from like 2:30-5:00 every single day (except weekends) until I'm ready to start full time as a driver. But it will be worth it. Plus they're hoping that it will only take 2-3 weeks to get me on as a driver. So please pray for my sanity in the mean time!! I am just worried sick about getting my CDL. I need to get my CDL permit first, and to be honest.... I haven't even begun to study for it. I'm so nervous! I haven't had to take a driving test in 8 years!!!

And Joe comes home for his visit soon!! I can't reveal exactly when, but it's less than a month away now... I'm SOOO excited!!! He will only get 3 days home which STINKS but at least we get that. We're going to celebrate his birthday, Tyler's birthday, Jillian's birthday, and Christmas all in one day while he's here - lol. I have a feeling that we'll end up flat BROKE once he goes back. But Tyler is just happy that he'll get to celebrate his birthday with Joe. :)

Oh! And speaking of Joe... Tyler has decided that he wants Joe to be his daddy. He had a melt down yesterday because he couldn't understand why his dad isn't around. I tried to explain that his dad is selfish and doesn't think about anyone but himself. He said, "But Joe's not selfish!!" And I told him that that's how it should be and I was sorry that his dad wasn't that way. So Tyler looked at me and said, "Can Jillie share?" I asked him what he ment and he said that he would like Jillian to share her daddy. He said, "I want a daddy who's here. I want a daddy who's not selfish." Joe about started crying when I told him. Then when I went to put Tyler to bed, he told me, "I can't wait for Joe to come home... then I'll have a daddy at MY house!" So sweet. It's funny though because Tyler is still so use to calling Joe "Joe" that he'll talk to Joe on the phone and call him Joe and then correct himself and say, "Oh wait... I can call you daddy. I forgot." I'm happy that Joe has made such a great impression on Tyler. He really needed a positive male figure in his life.

But anyway... I'm going to go now. I really should pick up my room, but House comes on in 8 minutes and that's FAR more interesting! :)

Last day at Sears!!!

2008-11-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

Well, I have worked for Sears for a year & 8 months and today I finally quit! I am SOOO glad to be free of that place! A year and 8 months and I never got a single raise... pretty bad. Plus my supervisor is a real witch. Honest... she didn't even have to dress up for Halloween! I'm just glad to be on to bigger and better things. A bus driver might not be the "what I want to be when I grow up" type of job, but it STARTS at $9.25 and I will never work nights, weekends, or holidays! So it's basically PERFECT for people with kids! The only thing is that getting to work by 6:15 AM will take some getting used to, but it will all be worth it. :)

I am also going to Joe's sister's Halloween party this coming weekend and I am SO excited for that!! I absolutely adore Joe's family so that will be a nice distraction. Plus it's kid-free, so that will also be a nice break. Joe's sister is such a sweetheart. I told her that I didn't think I'd be able to make it due to lack of a babysitter and she took it upon herself to find a sitter to watch the kids at her house while we went to the party at her mother-in-law's just 10 minutes away. I LOVE his family!! And we're also doing a scavanger hunt which are always a TON of fun!! I haven't done a scavanger hunt since my freshman year of college!! So yeah... I'm pretty excited. :)

But anyway... I'm going to end this one for now. CSI: Miami starts in 5 minutes and I don't want to miss it. ;) Take care!

Loneliness sucks....

2008-11-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

I've never done a blog before, so I'm kind of new at this, but here goes nothing...

Joe deployed the beginning of October and I've been having a pretty hard time coping. I knew what I was getting into when we first started dating, but NOTHING can prepare you for this. It'd be easier if I knew that he was gone for a year on a business trip. But how can you ever expect to prepare yourself for being away from the love of your life for a YEAR and not even knowing with absolute certainty if they'll come home safe? I know that he is surrounded by prayer more than I probably even know, but I can't help but worry. My secret hope is that Obama will be elected and that he'll send Joe home... he can keep everyone else over there, just send Joe home! Hey, I'm allowed to dream.

I keep being told that I should be thankful that it's "only" a year. Yes, I know that it could be an 18 month deployment and I also know that back in the day they were gone for YEARS. But how can anyone expect me to be THANKFUL for losing him for a whole year? My son will be a few months away from being SIX by the time he comes home! He won't even be here to go with me for his first day of kindergarten. **great, I'm crying now** I just don't know how people do this. I think the hardest part is that I have no friends here and I'm 3 hours from my family. I get so lonely. My kids are great, but there's only so much conversation you can get from a 2 or 4 year old. I just don't even know how to function. Most days I feel like I moved a mountain just because I was able to get dinner on the table without it being PB&J or Mac & Cheese. More often than not, I just want to crawl into bed and take a 4-6 hour nap. If I didn't have 2 kids, a dog, 2 rats, 2 turtles, my job, a house to keep on top of, and bills to pay... I would never leave my bed. I would lay there all day just praying that I would wake up a year later. But reality sucks.

So anyway... there it is. My first (horribly depressing) blog. I hope the rest of my blog posts won't be so awful. I promise I'll brag about my kids or something next time.